Dating and relationships

Psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis can add another element to dating and relationships. Both may seem like barriers to forming romantic relationships. But by understanding the diseases thoroughly and by making plans to bring them up in conversation, people with psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis can enjoy the natural progression of a relationship.

Depending on how people with psoriasis feel about the disease, they can bring it up to potential partners appropriately. They can wait until the relationship is ongoing before broaching the subject. Or, they can mention the psoriasis casually in conversation. An upcoming medical appointment, for example, may be a natural topic to mention to a potential partner.

Tips for communication with your partner

• Familiarize your partner with your medications and even suggest that they help you apply your medication.
• Find a buddy (besides your partner) who will listen to you and be honest with you.
• Don't assume that you know what the other person wants or thinks. Ask!
• Get help. Develop a strong support system of family and friends.
• Say thank you. Recognize that others are trying to help, and let them know you are grateful.
• Remember that psoriasis is part of who you are, but not all of you.
• Connect with others with psoriasis in the Psoriasis Foundation's message boards and chats.

Questioning negative thoughts

Just as the mind influences the body, the body influences the mind. Living with psoriasis can be stressful and take a toll on your emotions – this can in turn affect your confidence, a big factor when it comes to dating! Here are some techniques to help you challenge those negative thoughts that might pose a barrier to new relationships:  

Identify the negative thought and write it down: "No one will ever want to be with me because of my psoriasis."

Test the thought: Are you jumping to conclusions? Are you jumping to the worst conclusions possible? Are you making psoriasis the scapegoat for not dating, or do you stay home for fear that someone will turn you down? What proof do you have that no one wants you around?

Dispute the thought: Lots of people with psoriasis have good friends and partners. People with other health problems date and make friends. Sometimes you were rejected before you had psoriasis—that happens to everyone. You have a great personality and tickets for a sold-out concert. What's the worst that can happen? Suppose you get turned down and hear that it is because of your psoriasis. Do you really want to spend time with someone that shallow?

Review possible rebuttals: If the person you ask says, "I'm busy Thursday," you suggest another day. If she doesn't like concerts, suggest a quiet dinner or a movie. If she says, "No, because you have psoriasis," you answer, "Sorry, I thought you would want to know me before you made a superficial judgment."

Carry out the action: Ask someone out.